How to Balance Mary and Martha

At the Home of Martha and Mary

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!' 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"

Luke 10:38-42

I have had trouble with balance my entire life. My tendency is to be a Martha. I am most certainly a doer. I feel a certain pressure to get things done and clear my to-do list which never actually seems to end. It's as though I've believed that once my to-do list is cleared, I'll be able to breathe and take a break but not before then. I have finally reached a point in my life where I am realizing for the first time that it's impossible to clear my to-do list. There will always be more to do.

So, now I'm faced with a choice. Do I keep "doing" or do I take a break even though I have a million-and-one things needing my time and attention? In the past, I can tell you my answer would always be, "keep working and knock it out." It's for this reason that I believe God has planted this passage about Mary and Martha in my heart and keeps reminding me of it constantly. I have an affinity with Martha. I understand her. Jesus is in her home; her Savior is a guest in her home and she wants to be a good host. She wants to take care of Him and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. The problem, though, is that she is missing out on simply being with Him.

Isn't that true of our lives even today? We want to take care of all our loved ones. We want to take care of our children, husbands, parents, extended family and friends often at the expense of our own health and well-being. And honestly, that kind of selflessness and love that women are capable of is a beautiful thing that I'm sure God is pleased with. But, we're so focused on taking care of everyone and everything that we often miss being with God in our day to day lives. How many opportunities do we miss when God is right there in our midst wanting to connect with us but we're just too busy? How many times have we missed God trying to speak to us because our lives are just too noisy?

God has called us to work. We were made to work. When He created Adam and Eve, they were to take care of the land and every living thing. Genesis 1:26 says "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.'"

But, God also knows the value of rest. In Exodus 20:8-10 God said, "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God."

So back to the question: How do we balance being a Mary and a Martha in our lives?

1 | Keep the Sabbath

As hard as it may be to resist the urge to be productive for the sake of rest, do it. Keeping the Sabbath is one of the 10 commandments and it’s a beautiful gift and invitation from our Lord to enjoy His company, His rest and His blessings in our lives. The Sabbath doesn’t mean only reading your Bible, going to church and praying. It means delighting in the people around you, in the things you already possess and being satisfied with the life you have. The Sabbath is God’s invitation to restfulness instead of restlessness. In God’s presence we don’t need to feel the pressure to do more, to have more, to want more. In His presence we can just be. Be His children. Be ourselves.

2 | Create space for quiet time with God

St. Benedict wrote the Benedictine Rule which is a practice of creating space for what’s most important in our lives. He created a routine to include all the things he felt was most important in monastic life. To apply this in our lives, we first need to know what is most important to us. Then we can assess whether how we spend our time aligns with our values and with what we say is important. Often, it does not. It’s not intentional but we tend to get distracted by all the busyness of life and we forgot to keep our priorities straight. Quiet time with the Lord should be at the top of our lists. The one thing that we refuse to give up no matter how busy life gets because this is the exact thing that will carry us through all the tough stuff.

3 | Simplify your life

Our lives are so cluttered both literally and figuratively. It may take time and dedication but decluttering is a worthwhile investment. Try the KonMari method to clear your home of all the time consuming clutter that no longer serves you and doesn’t spark joy. Explore minimalism. Practice being a more mindful consumer. Do you really need that item or is there an underlying belief that it’ll make your life better or happier? Be aware of what activities take so much of your time. Social media? TV? Video games? Carefully consider all the items on your calendar and on your to-do lists and ask yourself if these things are necessary, beneficial or bring you joy. We say “yes” to so many good things but saying “no” can be a much harder but often healthier practice. Sometimes we have to say “no” to the good things to make space to say “yes” to the great things.

4 | Disconnect to connect

We are constantly connected. Technology has given us so much but it has also contributed to a loss of peace. Our phones have become like shackles that we’ve happily purchased for ourselves. We are slaves to our devices, to the notifications, to the “connectedness.” We are available 24/7. We no longer have the freedom to just be without any interruptions unless we are very intentional about it. So, let’s be intentional about turning off our phones and being unreachable so we can instead be reachable, attentive and focused on God and our loved ones. Let’s remove distractions vying for our attention. Let’s give our time and attention to the Lord and to each other.

5 | Stop hurrying

Like Martha, I often feel a sense of urgency to get things done. There was urgency. Dinner needed to be made or everyone was going to be hungry. What kind of host would allow that, right? Our lives are busy to be sure; filled to the brim with important and urgent tasks. We often hurry from one appointment, task or errand to the next without taking a moment to breathe, to take it all in. At the end of the day, we are drained at the deepest level. One practice that will help combat that soul exhaustion is to stop hurrying. Stop running late. Stop looking for the fastest lane as we drive or check out of the grocery store. Let’s build in time to wait, time to spare. Wake up earlier. Leave the house earlier so you won’t have to rush your way to work or to drop off the kids or to your next appointment. Create space so you don’t feel that constant and nagging sense of urgency. Stop being bullied by your to do list. It will truly all be okay. If Martha had chosen to sit at Jesus feet instead of fret about getting dinner ready, what would have been the worst thing that would happen? They’d have eaten later. They’d have been hungry but would have enjoyed a nice meal with peace and joy. If she had chosen differently, she may have been more productive and maybe the meal would have come out on time despite having a late start. Who knows? But, we can be sure it would have been okay.

Ultimately, what we should do to find rest and peace is not hard but it can be uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable to sit in silence with negative thoughts, to go against the grain, to choose rest when we are so stressed about not having enough time. But, we need to make them non-negotiable. We have to commit to doing them and if we do, we will be able to balance Mary and Martha. We will able accomplish what needs to get done while not losing sight of what is better and not letting it be taken from us.

Lord, I pray you would strengthen us to go against the grain, to do what is counter-cultural. Our souls are desperate for your presence, peace and joy in our lives. Help us be resolute in our determination to seek after you and not give up until these practices are deeply ingrained in us. Guide us throughout our days in all the tiny choices we make because these tiny choices will make up our lives and we want to live well. Bless us with your peace and joy and give us rest for our weary souls. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If your soul is desperate for rest like mine has been, I highly recommend reading “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry” by John Mark Comer. I recently stumbled upon it and feel that it was a gift from God calling me back to finding more balance between the Mary and Martha inside of me. I pray that this post has been helpful for you and you will feel God drawing you into His rest. I pray you will accept His invitation. We were not made to keep up with the pace of this culture. We were made to do life with God; to take His yoke which is easy and His burden which is light. We were never meant to take on all the burdens of this world. Let’s lay it all at His feet today and take up His yoke instead.

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