The Power of Taming the Tongue

The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom, and their tongues speak what is just.

The law of their God is in their hearts; their feet do not slip.—Psalm 37:30–31

Have you ever said something and instantly regretted it? I definitely have! Sometimes I don't think before I speak. Other times I mean one thing but it comes out completely different. But, there are also times that I'm hurt and upset and say something hurtful in a moment of anger only to feel terrible about it seconds later.

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Sadly, from the time I was very young, I've had a sharp tongue. I've always known exactly what to say to cut deep into the soul of anyone who's hurt me. It's embarrassing to admit that this is one of my biggest vices because the Bible specifically tells us that this cannot be. The book of James dedicates an entire passage to the importance of taming the tongue.

James 3: 5-12

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and saltwater? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

The first time I read this passage, I felt so convicted. I knew that I needed to control my tongue. Over the years, I have learned, with difficulty, to tame my tongue but I'll confess that I still stick my foot in my mouth with some frequency. Today, I'm acutely aware of the fact that having a sharp tongue is a plight with which women are much more afflicted than men. We tend to be more critical and passive-aggressive. We give subtle jabs that can appear innocent but deep down we know they're not, especially with other women. Maybe the reason for this is that Satan knows how strong we are and how much stronger we would be if we worked together instead of against each other.

Can you imagine a world in which communities of women lift each other up and support one another? I get so excited thinking of the possiblities. Women are the cornerstone of the home. If we are powerful and joyful, what could we accomplish? We have the power to change the tone of our family which in turn would start changing the tone of our communities and ultimately the world. I dream of seeing communities in which women live in the peace and joy that God has given us. I dream of communities where women can share openly about the struggles they're facing knowing that gossip, judgment, and betrayals won't occur. Gossip and hurtful comments prevent us from being truly vulnerable with one another. We need that vulnerability to be able to support one another; to help a sister in Christ be strong when she's feeling like she's not strong enough. With that support, we can be the wives, mothers, friends, daughters, co-workers that we were called to be. The only way this will happen is if we learn to tame our tongues.

They say, hurt people, hurt people. Could it be that we say hurtful comments without thinking because somewhere inside of us we are hurting? A British teacher came up with a brilliant lesson on how words can hurt even though the person looks fine. She took two apples that looked the same. One apple was given praise while the other was tossed around and called names. When the apples were cut in half, the one which was praised, looked perfect. Meanwhile, the one that had been "bullied" was all bruised on in the inside even though it still looked fine. I think we go through life all bruised-up but pretending that we're fine. We've become very skilled at putting on a brave face and acting like we have it all together.

But, pretending that all is well, blocks us from facing our hurts and letting them go. What if we cut out the bruised parts and only keep the good? John 15:1-4 says, "I am the true vine, and My Father is the keeper of the vineyard. He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. Just as no branch can bear fruit by itself unless it remains in the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me." God cuts out the parts that don't bear fruit. Perhaps, we should also cut out the parts that don't serve us.

We are the only ones with the power to cut out the bruises and live as if we were the praised apples instead. The solution to taming our tongues comes from within, not without. Matthew 12:34 says "You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." It's only when we have peace in our hearts with our past, our hurts, our bruises, that we can truly tame our tongues. But, facing our past requires much courage.

We must have the courage to look into the source of our biggest wounds with objective eyes. We must separate what happened from how we felt about the situation. We have to be willing to forgive those who have hurt us and ourselves for the mistakes we've made. We have to change our outlook on life to one that is perpetually and habitually positive. When we are able to be grateful for what we have and the life we're living regardless of the circumstances, life becomes much more joyful. When our hearts are at peace and full of joy, our lips will naturally speak of only what is good.

I pray that we would be brave and face our deepest wounds so that they will no longer live in our hearts. I pray that our tongues would not set the world ablaze with the fire from hell but would instead set the world ablaze with passion, love, life and great faith. I pray that our lips would speak only what is just so that our feet don't slip. I pray that we would begin to form communities of strong, kind and joyful women who take on the world together giving each other strength and courage to make our world a better place one act of forgiveness and love at a time.

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