The Truth About Self-Care

Sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or hormonal, I like nothing more than to curl up with a cozy blanket, watch a chick-flick that will make me laugh or cry or both and eat something delicious but unhealthy. This is exactly what I was doing a few days ago when I caught myself feeling guilty for eating junk food but thinking, it's okay because it was my "me time." This realization led me to question what is self-care truly?

I thought about different things I had read listing dozens of ideas for exercising self-care. I remembered reading about taking a relaxing bath, taking a break from social media, spending time in nature, doing yoga, meditating, etc. which are all fantastic suggestions. Each idea is a healthy way of dealing with our emotions when we're struggling but, I had this nagging feeling that self-care is more than that.

As I thought, I became aware that self-care is more about honoring oneself than anything else. It's about respecting our own boundaries and needs. But, how do we honor ourselves?

1 | We need to be self-aware.

I think the first step to honoring ourselves is knowing ourselves. We must possess the ability to recognize when we're reaching our breaking point. Honoring ourselves means we know our needs and can set appropriate boundaries when they aren't being met. As hard as it is to admit, we've all lost it at one time or another because we were overwhelmed and didn't handle our emotions well. Self-awareness gives us the power to choose self-care before we get to that point and handle our emotions with grace.

2 | We need to know what method of self-care works best for us.

Self-care is intended to rejuvenate you. Since we're all different, the self-care method that rejuvenates us most will vary person to person. It can be taking a bath, reading a book, dancing around the house, going for a walk, playing golf, a girl's night out, fishing, etc. For me, journaling to God helps tremendously when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I've always loved to write and it's how I process my thoughts best. I'm able to put it all on paper in the form of a prayer and God never lets me down. He's always right there to meet me and comfort my soul.

When I'm exhausted a nice, hot bubble bath with essential oils helps soothe my aching muscles and relax my mind. When I'm hormonal, a quintessential chick-flick is always the best remedy. Sometimes, just taking time to sit and talk with a friend is all we need. It doesn't matter as much what you do for your self-care as long as it's something that will leave you feeling rejuvenated.

3 | We need to treat ourselves kindly.

As I mentioned, I was recently sitting on the couch, watching P.S. I Love You, crying and laughing while eating junk food when I suddenly realized that I was justifying a choice I know is bad for me. I have been having some health issues that I'm hoping to resolve naturally through a healthy diet. Last summer, I had done the Auto-Immune Paleo (AIP) diet and loved it. I felt amazing and decided that I wanted to do it again but I ended up eating junk food instead. If we aren't careful, our self-care can turn into more of self-sabotage instead. Eating junk food was sabotaging what really matters to me: my health. Whatever you choose as your method or methods of self-care, be sure that it doesn't contradict or go against what you say is important to you and what you're wanting to accomplish.

4 | We need to be one with our word.

Michael C. Jensen, the author of Integrity: Without it Nothing Works, says "an individual is whole and complete when their word is whole and complete, and their word is whole and complete when they honor their word." If you've read my blog before, you've probably heard me reference this paper and this different view of integrity. I believe that it's such a fundamentally important concept because if we lack integrity and discipline, we'll never make true change in our lives. By eating junk food, I was also not honoring myself, because I was out of integrity. As a society, we've become numb to lacking integrity but it still impacts how we feel about ourselves. As Michael C. Jensen states, we are only whole and complete, when we honor our word. I believe that being one with our word has the power to also transform how we feel about ourselves.

5| We need to choose self-care.

When we're busy, "not having time" seems like a good reason to not make time for self-care. Like everything in life, we invest time in things we find valuable. As women, we tend to place a higher value on taking care of our families and meeting our responsibilities than taking care of ourselves. But, when you stop to think about it, we're doing a disservice to our loved ones by not practicing self-care for two reasons.

Reason #1:

When we don't take care of ourselves, we're running on empty. Have you ever heard the expression that "from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks?" Luke 6:45 says, "the good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good, and the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil; for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks." The times when I'm most stressed are when I tend to be short or snap at my loved ones. If my heart is not full of joy and peace, there's no way I can share joy and peace with others. During these times, I am prone to becoming resentful of how much I'm doing and how hard I'm working. I begin to compare how much my husband is doing to contribute and how much I think he should be doing. I lose sight of how wonderful he is and how much he helps out. That's not fair to him. When I'm in a good space, I can handle life's annoyances with grace and compassion because "out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." That's the person my family deserves all the time; the one who speaks life and love because my heart is full of good treasure.

The Bible tells us to "love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." - Mark 12:30. Have you heard "Desert Song" by Hillsong United? There's a verse that says:

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I’m filled to be emptied again

The seed I’ve received I will sow

God fills us up so that we can pour back into others and love Him back. We only know love because God is love. He is our source of strength. Turning to God and laying our struggles at His feet is the easiest way get back on track.

Reason #2:

You can't help others if you aren't healthy mentally, physically and spiritually. I can't help but compare self-care to the oxygen mask on an airplane. If something goes wrong and the oxygen mask releases, what are we supposed to do first? Put the mask on ourselves and then help those around us! Why should we treat self-care any differently? God loves us more than we can fathom but we don't value ourselves enough to make time for self-care.

Making the time for self-care is only dependent on two things: your decision to do it and then having the integrity to see it through.What if we start a new movement? What if this generation of women started having integrity and practicing self-care? What if we had a world full of strong, unstoppable, loving, joyful, God-fearing women who love and value themselves exactly as they are? I think we'd see healthier marriages, better relationships between parents and children, more women in leadership roles and happier people in general. What a beautiful reality that would be.

So, maybe true self-care is less about taking a bubble bath and more about honoring ourselves in every way; honoring our word by keeping it, honoring our body by taking care of it, honoring our mouths by the words we speak, honoring our hearts by treating ourselves and others with kindness and compassion, and honoring our souls by allowing the time and space for self-care. In this busy world, we often place ourselves in last place but I invite you to make time for yourself and remember to honor yourself in everything you do.

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